in one moment

I spend a lot of time thinking. I think about where I am and where I want to be, who I am and who I want to be. My thoughts often end in defeat--either by falling asleep or the conclusion that I have no idea what I need to do to get where I want to be geographically and on the inside. Last night I was catching up with a friend and we got into that very conversation. In one fleeting moment she said she didn't want to do youth ministry again it's time for something else. In that moment I realized, neither do I. Whoa! Did I really think that? I am still a little bit in shock of this realization.
Since I graduated from high school (ten whopping years ago), until I moved to Indiana, I have been doing youth ministry. And up until last night I had every intention of getting involved with the youth ministry in my church here. I heart teenageers, there's no question about that, but I am weary. Weary and defeated because more of the time than not I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. And so as a step in the right direction I am going to find something for me to do...for me. I don't know what it's going to be, let's hope it's something good.

it can be done

Over the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time working. It's almost been like working at summer camp again because the days run into each other and I never seem to get out of the stack I am under. Maybe it's purely because I'm female...but there have been many ups and downs...really downs that cause the ups. I am continuing to learn about the people I work with and well frankly how we can be a team under pressure. We had a REALLY big program last week, big in numbers and big in significance. This program caused a lot of anxiety and frankly conflict. I have been overjoyed to know that all our hard work paid off. Rumor has it we "hit it out of the ball park".

contentment and brokenness

In the recent weeks I came to a realization...I am more content in my job than I have ever been before. Granted I haven't been in my position very long but it's still an exciting realization. This all came to mind because I work with people who are discontent and my heart has been so broken for them that I almost feel guilty about being content. Ironic, right?
My heart also breaks because I know they don't share my freedom in Christ...and that's where it starts. Don't get me wrong I have been a christian and very discontent...but I have never been alone. I simply just don't know how it is that people make it through each day without that. Hmph.

balance

Life really is about finding some kind of balance, right? Balance between work and play, giving and receiving, moving and stopping. Its not easy. Since my "promotion" I have stayed late in the office more nights than not...though I have been told to go home. I just want to get settled in my space as well as with people. When I go home I just want to sleep or just sit and look at my freshly painted walls. One of these days I'll get settled...eventually I'll find a rythmn.

lilies

I love lilies, especially orange ones. Just like in my header. They have been popping up all over the place. I am sure they won't last long but you can be sure I will enjoy them as long as I can!

family gatherings

It's hard to describe the "Leonard Reunion" so people who aren't Leonards can actually understand the insanity. In simple words it's a long weekend of extended family time (between 50-75 people). We have been going to the same camp on Lake Erie for I think almost 20 years and having this reunion for over 40 years. This year's theme was Tresure Island. We play games, eat lots of good food, sit around campfires, pretend to be much more phycially fit than any of use actually are, and get reconnected. It's on my calendar for life.

wanting to learn again

Tonight as I sat and listened in on an adventure group I realized something...I want to learn. It was quite a revelation for me. I haven't had that genuine desire in a LONG time. Don't get me wrong, I have been motivated by deadlines, the need to impress and as a teacher the needs of my students but I cannot remember the last time I wanted to investigate and learn on my own.
What's on my mind you ask? The Leadership Challenge by Kouzes and Posner and the Johari window.

Leadership is: "The art of mobilizing others to want to struggle for
shared aspirations."--Kouzes and Posner

Hmmm...