elephant

That elephant appears to be growing...and my spoon is not big enough. I am a very tired woman and its so much more than not getting enough sleep. My heart needs a vacation from caring too much. There has to be a better different way.

ode to the little things

It is often the little things that make me smile the most... like when I hear/see an "ah-ha moment" happen or people leave "Black-eyed Suzy's" on my desk. It's also the little things that really wear on me and weigh me down. The last 7 days have been fully loaded from before dawn to well after dusk. Lots of little unexpecteds...I got to use a weed trimmer the other day for long enough that my hands were numb when I finally ran out of gas. I have been advised to not let the little things get to me because they pile up. The piling has certainly been happening and I am eager for a little break. There is light and its not just at the end of the tunnel it is all along the tunnel...some days it just burns brighter than others. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, right?

The other night I was reminded of a great nugget of metphorical wisdom....here it is:

What's the only way to eat an elephant?
--One spoonful at a time.

team building?

Probably the most challenging group of people to facilitate adventure education experiences for are facilitators themselves. Though I haven't done this recently its on the forefront of my mind. I often wish that I could be on the receiving end of facilitation. There are so many things that I see in myself that I know I should be better at. I have been facilitating for almost 13 years now and I most certainly do not have it all worked out. With every new group of people comes its own joys and well, not so much joys. My goal is always to take care of people and there are days that I fail miserably... sometimes because I am stuck, sometimes because I simply just miss, and quite honestly sometimes on purpose. Lately I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Like it is always my fault and that I am always the person that needs to adjust to those around me. Today, actually yesterday since its almost 1am, that weight has been even heavier. I feel like I can do no right and that is hard to swallow because I know it's not true. Ugh. Defeat.

Vision...round two

"Be Thou My Vision O Lord of my heart"
Due to a series of corporate groups I have recently been helping to facilitate the concept of vision and personal mission has been fresh on my mind. I have never succeeded at writing a personal mission statement. It's something that just seems impossible to put into words. And quite frankly its something I want to share...to do together with someone...but that's not happening anytime soon.
This morning I went to yet another new church. I was so encouraged to sing Come Thou Fount and Be Thou My Vision mostly cause they are like a "blankie" to me:) Singing those words this morning was a gentle reminder of my vision and my purpose for life. My passion is people and challenging people of all ages to want to grow. My vision and my purpose has already been written... Matt 28:18-20.

Choosing by Alli Rogers

I guess I need to chose
but today I am confused
and losing ground
Is this some part of plan
The rise and fall of man
I can't be sure

When I am away from my source of peace
something fills that space in me
And it feels like I don't need you

It's easy to get by
when I don't even try to
find the truth
Today I learned that faith
is not to be obtained like a place I can go

It's more of a choice than a feeling
And more a wound than healing
The act of believing in you

And I guess I need to choose
but today I am confused and losing ground

But maybe this is where I grow
When I admit that I don't know
When belief becomes the only way to you

I just heard this song on pandora and wow! What really hit me is the statement about peace. Holy cow, have I experienced that lately. I have been away. Wow, have I been away and allowing that space to be filled by something else. Today I am choosing not to be filled with something else but to allow that peace to come from the only one who can really give it.

singles group

I am still in shock of what I experienced this afternoon. Recently I have been thinking about how I really need to make some friends outside of work. No offense to those that I work with...it's just time my life didn't revolve around BW. Last Sunday we'd noticed that there would be a singles potluck this afternoon. I had gone back and forth in my head about going but when one of my housemates volunteered to go with me I had a rekindled desire to take the plunge and go to the singles potluck. It was NOT what either of us expected and I am soooooo glad I didn't go it alone. It wasn't weird or creepy or anything we just happened to be probably 20 years younger than every other person who attended. No offense but this was not what I was hoping for... so my small attempts to find a social network outside of BW and closer than Ohio must continue. This makes me miss college...ugh. How are people suposed to meet each other anymore???

where do I stand on war?

Yesterday I went to visit a fairly local milatiary base.There are many groups that come from this base that I assist in facilitating and we wanted to gain a better understanding of what these people do so that we can provide a better experience for them at the Woods. It was super interesting but somewhat hard to swallow. Way back in my college days(I know that was oh so long ago:) there were a lot of let's say debatable issues that were kind of in my face. One of those issues was war vs. peace. I took a confident pacifist stance... now I am there but not quite as confidently. One of the first things I saw on base were some high powered guns...ugh. Interesting to see but that threw my brain into a tizzy for the rest of the day. As I listened to these men and women share about what they do on a daily basis to enable the US to defend and fight my stomach was unsettled. I was forced to contemplate my assistance in empowering these people to essentially be more effective at sending people off to war.
What IS my role? Am I indirectly supporting war? And should I stop? Or is war a fact of humanity and by helping these people do their jobs more effectively am I indirectly helping protect those who fight every day? Though I am answerless, my convictions are not strong enough to stop doing what I am doing... but I wonder if they should be? What do you think?
On another note I did get to ride in a hummer AND sit in the driver's seat...pretty sweet when I don't think about why hummers exist in the first place...see pics...