leaky eyes

As I read a couple emails this morning my eyes just started leaking. Not because of a sappy message but because I am so incredibly thankful for my friends whose locations span the US and Guatemala. I've become so stinkin' numb because I feel like my life is simply on hold. Even as I write that I know it's ridiculous. My life's not on hold...there are plenty of people to love and serve every day whether I get paid for it or not. Yesterday a friend was saying that at the end of the day success boils down to two questions. #1 Did I love God today? and #2 Did I love people today? Maybe that's why this morning my eyes started leaking...I was on the receiving end of that love...it sure feels good no matter how great or small the distance between friends.

hugs

My boss's 3-year-old daughter Mara has been playing an "I'm not going to hug Suzy" game since I got back from Guate at the beginning of the summer. Even though I got a few snuggles out of her (jic you didn't know snuggling is NOT the same as hugging:) and I knew it was all a fun little game we were playing I was excited for the game to end. I'm not sure what happened but the other day she just walked right over and gave me the biggest hug EVER. I think an x-ray would prove my heart was actually smiling during and well after that hug. I love being able to love my friends' kids and to be loved by them!

Where the Trees Stand Still

Ask pretty much anyone who knows me fairly well why my cars' names are Bebo and Norman and they'll be able to tell you that I have loved Bebo Norman for a LONG time. I think it was my sophmore year of college when I really started to connect with his music. A friend burned his first couple albums for me. I ended up buying them because I had worn them out. When his third album came out I loved all of it except "Where the Trees Stand Still." I would always skip to the next song when that one came on. I guess because at that point in my life I could not in anyway shape or form relate. I loved college and I loved working at different camps in various different places. I really loved being in Guate and experiencing a whole different life than I was accustomed too.I never wanted the "trees to stand still" BUT in the last six months the song I had so quickly skipped over time and time again began to made sense. I haven't lived in the same building for more than 10 consecutive months since I went off to college almost ten years ago. For the most part it was the life I chose but now I want nothing more than for those trees to stop blowing by. When I made the decision not to return to Guatemala, I thought I knew pretty close to exactly what would come next. Not so much where I'd be, but what I'd be doing and the type of community I'd be doing it in. I didn't neccesarily think God would just drop it in my lap...ok maybe I did a little...but I certainly would have expected something to hope for by this point. Every day I find things to do, whether it be looking for a job, connecting with friends, or finally getting to some random projects that should have been done five years ago but I feel like I am just in this awkward state of limbo anticipating what could be next. Limbo is not fun. The other day a speaker at camp asked the campers how many of them wished they had the freedom to do whatever they wanted. All the kids eagerly raised their hands while their leaders laughed. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to have someone else decide what I was going to do tomorrow...and the next day...

Ode to the Job Hunt

I'd love to write a poem of some kind but instead all I have to say is AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!