Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)

Visiting my aunt's church this morning I "learned" Chris Tomlin's version of Take My Life. After church when watching a football game(or so I thought) I looked around the room and realized everyone else was napping. Since I didn't give two-hoots about the Jets/Cardinals game I decided to find this song before it escaped my mind. One thing I appreciate about Chris Tomlin is that essentially he teaches how he plays various songs on worshiptogether.com...then someone kindly posts all those videos on youtube. I never ended up finding a demo of Take My Life but I did watch his video teaching Amazing Grace(My Chains are Gone). I've heard this song a thousand times and always assumed he'd written that last verse he sings:
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine...
Will be forever mine...
You are forever mine
Apparently, or at least according to Tomlin's research this was the original last verse and the "when we've been there..." verse was added 100 years after Newton wrote Amazing Grace. Who knew? Certainly not me! I really like this verse! I don't know how to explain why. Maybe it just brings a little affirmation that this whole job hunt/life change thing is gonna be ok. Anywho...

leaky eyes

As I read a couple emails this morning my eyes just started leaking. Not because of a sappy message but because I am so incredibly thankful for my friends whose locations span the US and Guatemala. I've become so stinkin' numb because I feel like my life is simply on hold. Even as I write that I know it's ridiculous. My life's not on hold...there are plenty of people to love and serve every day whether I get paid for it or not. Yesterday a friend was saying that at the end of the day success boils down to two questions. #1 Did I love God today? and #2 Did I love people today? Maybe that's why this morning my eyes started leaking...I was on the receiving end of that love...it sure feels good no matter how great or small the distance between friends.

hugs

My boss's 3-year-old daughter Mara has been playing an "I'm not going to hug Suzy" game since I got back from Guate at the beginning of the summer. Even though I got a few snuggles out of her (jic you didn't know snuggling is NOT the same as hugging:) and I knew it was all a fun little game we were playing I was excited for the game to end. I'm not sure what happened but the other day she just walked right over and gave me the biggest hug EVER. I think an x-ray would prove my heart was actually smiling during and well after that hug. I love being able to love my friends' kids and to be loved by them!

Where the Trees Stand Still

Ask pretty much anyone who knows me fairly well why my cars' names are Bebo and Norman and they'll be able to tell you that I have loved Bebo Norman for a LONG time. I think it was my sophmore year of college when I really started to connect with his music. A friend burned his first couple albums for me. I ended up buying them because I had worn them out. When his third album came out I loved all of it except "Where the Trees Stand Still." I would always skip to the next song when that one came on. I guess because at that point in my life I could not in anyway shape or form relate. I loved college and I loved working at different camps in various different places. I really loved being in Guate and experiencing a whole different life than I was accustomed too.I never wanted the "trees to stand still" BUT in the last six months the song I had so quickly skipped over time and time again began to made sense. I haven't lived in the same building for more than 10 consecutive months since I went off to college almost ten years ago. For the most part it was the life I chose but now I want nothing more than for those trees to stop blowing by. When I made the decision not to return to Guatemala, I thought I knew pretty close to exactly what would come next. Not so much where I'd be, but what I'd be doing and the type of community I'd be doing it in. I didn't neccesarily think God would just drop it in my lap...ok maybe I did a little...but I certainly would have expected something to hope for by this point. Every day I find things to do, whether it be looking for a job, connecting with friends, or finally getting to some random projects that should have been done five years ago but I feel like I am just in this awkward state of limbo anticipating what could be next. Limbo is not fun. The other day a speaker at camp asked the campers how many of them wished they had the freedom to do whatever they wanted. All the kids eagerly raised their hands while their leaders laughed. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to have someone else decide what I was going to do tomorrow...and the next day...

Ode to the Job Hunt

I'd love to write a poem of some kind but instead all I have to say is AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

yielding

As I sat at a stop sign this morning waiting for the other person to go it dawned on me why driving here(in the US) is odd to me. Two things. They are "yielding" and the "right of way"; both of which have become quite foreign to me. I guess it's about time I assimilate back into US law:)

pretzels are good...

I really do think that it is harder to return to one's "home" culture than it is to leave. I find this to be true in lots of little things...
I walked into Verizon Wireless, window shopped for 15 minutes, THEN discovered you have to "sign in" to be helped! And there are all these "new fangled" things you can do with your phone, who knew?
This morning after church there was a graduation celebration for the high school grads. I stood in line to get some snacks...there were pretzels!!!! I was beside myself. I hadn't eatten real pretzels in a LONG time.
I have searched the counter top for eggs only to discover them in the refrigerator.
I have enjoyed a tall glass of real 2% milk and eatten at Panera Bread.
I made rosa de jamaica...watched one friend gulp it down...and another barely even swallow.
I have been craving dobladas and wondering why I didn't actually get my last platanos at 4:00am the day I left:(
I haven't exactly come to terms with the fact that I actually need to stop at those big red signs that say stop.
Every time I get in a car to drive I need to remind myself how an automatic works.
I successfully drove my car(with very minimal braking action due to lack of braking capabilitiy) down the highway with my flashers on:)
I have accidently thrown my toilet paper in the garbage can 3 or 4 times already-hopefully I get over that sooner rather than later!
The little "-isms"...I'm sure there will be more!