big picture gal

In the last fifteen minutes I realized something about myself...I am a big picture gal! I like to have a decent understanding of something before I dive in. I like to put a lot into something the first time around so that instead of recreating the wheel every year I can just tweak things. As a teacher I was ok not having all the answers. I'd just flat out tell my students I didn't know and to make sure they let me know when they found the answer. And to some degree I am ok not having all the answers but I like to know my resources to help me find the answers. Resources oh resources, where for art thou resources?
So now what? I know this about myself. What do I do with it...I'm not sure...

mysuzyhat

Since I started crochetting people have been saying "you should sell that stuff!" I have always said it would take the joy out of making things. I am officially launching 'mysuzyhat' on etsy.com in the next few weeks. I turned a couple of my housemates into crochetting monsters and they have started selling at craft fairs. I made just a few things and helped out for one morning. See our booth...and one of my hats:) I actually sold a couple! Yeah for mysuzyhat!!! 

isaac and noah

What good am I if I don't post at least a couple pics of my favorite twin baby boys? Meet Isaac and Noah. One day I might be able to tell them apart:)

Noah found his thumb while he was getting a bath!

Bebo Norman's 'Borrow Mine'

Bebo Norman=smile on my face.
I don't listened to Bebo nearly as much as I used too, although I still heart him and have a great appreciation for his music...especially LIVE when Gabe Scott is playing the dulcimer...AMAZING! Anywho, I was just looking for some ring tones and stumbled across Bebo's song "Borrow Mine". Today I am thinking about it in a different way.
The chorus is:
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Maybe I am simply going through a pre-30's crisis? Whatever it is, I am grateful for those around me who continue to encourage and let me borrow their faith whether they know it or not. I have locked all the verses Emily has texted me. I hear Maureen in my head saying "God is sovereign." Patrick talking about Ebenezer. Sandy's perfect cups of coffee. Quint talking about seeds. Jim singing From the Depths of Woe. Zan's blog!  Sarah's caring and listening ears. Dawson family 'squeezers'. Melanie's affirmation. Jo-Jo puppy dog kisses to wipe away tears. Plus sooooo many more. Amen and Amen.


Follow the link if you want to see the rest of the words to the song.
 http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Borrow-Mine-lyrics-Bebo-Norman/2D912BF65D679B9D48256FAD0005FC85

NY Thruway

This last weekend I headed up to Lake Ontario with my parents and one of my brothers. We've been making this trip my whole life though this time it looked a little different! I drove, Dave sat in the front, mom and dad sat in the back---weird! Part of this journey is stopping at the Rest Area that is in between the Thruway. You walk over the Thruway on an enclosed bridge to get to the restrooms and food.
As we walked across the bridge late Friday night I heard a little boy say "woah!" I turned to look and sure enough he was standing at the window next to his dad facing down and a semi truck had just driven under the bridge.  It's so silly and exciting. As the trucks drive under the bridge you feel like you are right on top of it. Hence the "woah!" from the little boy. If you have never experienced this sensation you must add it to your bucket list:)

elephant

That elephant appears to be growing...and my spoon is not big enough. I am a very tired woman and its so much more than not getting enough sleep. My heart needs a vacation from caring too much. There has to be a better different way.

ode to the little things

It is often the little things that make me smile the most... like when I hear/see an "ah-ha moment" happen or people leave "Black-eyed Suzy's" on my desk. It's also the little things that really wear on me and weigh me down. The last 7 days have been fully loaded from before dawn to well after dusk. Lots of little unexpecteds...I got to use a weed trimmer the other day for long enough that my hands were numb when I finally ran out of gas. I have been advised to not let the little things get to me because they pile up. The piling has certainly been happening and I am eager for a little break. There is light and its not just at the end of the tunnel it is all along the tunnel...some days it just burns brighter than others. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, right?

The other night I was reminded of a great nugget of metphorical wisdom....here it is:

What's the only way to eat an elephant?
--One spoonful at a time.

team building?

Probably the most challenging group of people to facilitate adventure education experiences for are facilitators themselves. Though I haven't done this recently its on the forefront of my mind. I often wish that I could be on the receiving end of facilitation. There are so many things that I see in myself that I know I should be better at. I have been facilitating for almost 13 years now and I most certainly do not have it all worked out. With every new group of people comes its own joys and well, not so much joys. My goal is always to take care of people and there are days that I fail miserably... sometimes because I am stuck, sometimes because I simply just miss, and quite honestly sometimes on purpose. Lately I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Like it is always my fault and that I am always the person that needs to adjust to those around me. Today, actually yesterday since its almost 1am, that weight has been even heavier. I feel like I can do no right and that is hard to swallow because I know it's not true. Ugh. Defeat.

Vision...round two

"Be Thou My Vision O Lord of my heart"
Due to a series of corporate groups I have recently been helping to facilitate the concept of vision and personal mission has been fresh on my mind. I have never succeeded at writing a personal mission statement. It's something that just seems impossible to put into words. And quite frankly its something I want to share...to do together with someone...but that's not happening anytime soon.
This morning I went to yet another new church. I was so encouraged to sing Come Thou Fount and Be Thou My Vision mostly cause they are like a "blankie" to me:) Singing those words this morning was a gentle reminder of my vision and my purpose for life. My passion is people and challenging people of all ages to want to grow. My vision and my purpose has already been written... Matt 28:18-20.

Choosing by Alli Rogers

I guess I need to chose
but today I am confused
and losing ground
Is this some part of plan
The rise and fall of man
I can't be sure

When I am away from my source of peace
something fills that space in me
And it feels like I don't need you

It's easy to get by
when I don't even try to
find the truth
Today I learned that faith
is not to be obtained like a place I can go

It's more of a choice than a feeling
And more a wound than healing
The act of believing in you

And I guess I need to choose
but today I am confused and losing ground

But maybe this is where I grow
When I admit that I don't know
When belief becomes the only way to you

I just heard this song on pandora and wow! What really hit me is the statement about peace. Holy cow, have I experienced that lately. I have been away. Wow, have I been away and allowing that space to be filled by something else. Today I am choosing not to be filled with something else but to allow that peace to come from the only one who can really give it.

singles group

I am still in shock of what I experienced this afternoon. Recently I have been thinking about how I really need to make some friends outside of work. No offense to those that I work with...it's just time my life didn't revolve around BW. Last Sunday we'd noticed that there would be a singles potluck this afternoon. I had gone back and forth in my head about going but when one of my housemates volunteered to go with me I had a rekindled desire to take the plunge and go to the singles potluck. It was NOT what either of us expected and I am soooooo glad I didn't go it alone. It wasn't weird or creepy or anything we just happened to be probably 20 years younger than every other person who attended. No offense but this was not what I was hoping for... so my small attempts to find a social network outside of BW and closer than Ohio must continue. This makes me miss college...ugh. How are people suposed to meet each other anymore???

where do I stand on war?

Yesterday I went to visit a fairly local milatiary base.There are many groups that come from this base that I assist in facilitating and we wanted to gain a better understanding of what these people do so that we can provide a better experience for them at the Woods. It was super interesting but somewhat hard to swallow. Way back in my college days(I know that was oh so long ago:) there were a lot of let's say debatable issues that were kind of in my face. One of those issues was war vs. peace. I took a confident pacifist stance... now I am there but not quite as confidently. One of the first things I saw on base were some high powered guns...ugh. Interesting to see but that threw my brain into a tizzy for the rest of the day. As I listened to these men and women share about what they do on a daily basis to enable the US to defend and fight my stomach was unsettled. I was forced to contemplate my assistance in empowering these people to essentially be more effective at sending people off to war.
What IS my role? Am I indirectly supporting war? And should I stop? Or is war a fact of humanity and by helping these people do their jobs more effectively am I indirectly helping protect those who fight every day? Though I am answerless, my convictions are not strong enough to stop doing what I am doing... but I wonder if they should be? What do you think?
On another note I did get to ride in a hummer AND sit in the driver's seat...pretty sweet when I don't think about why hummers exist in the first place...see pics...

on coaching...

Those who can't (anymore), teach? That's what people say, right? I was a gymnast for 11 years, competing for 5 of them. At the ripe old age of 17 I retired. Eleven years later gymnastics is still a rewarding part of my life though it's had many faces. I have taught at summer camp, taught after school programs, coached competitive gymnastics in PA for 3 years, and now coach recreational classes as well as girls who compete in Indiana.
I LOVE gymnastics. I love that I can still do a round-off back handspring(much to the dismay of all my girls...and my boss:) and that I can still climb up on a balance beam to do my old high school routine. And though I'd love to be physically capable of doing all the things I could do so many years ago gymnastics bringing a different satisfaction than it used it. There are days when my girls drive me up a wall...but there are nights like tonight that things just click.
I went to practice tonight frustrated about life and wishing I could unhurt people I have hurt. I listened to the song Brand New Day on repeat all the way to the gym and I decided when I walked in the door that it would be a great night. IT WAS! Though the girls were not angels by any means, they allowed me to focus my energy on helping them get better. I am trying so hard to praise the good they do and gentlly explain how to get better. One of the girls inparticular takes correction pretty hard. In our last 5 minutes we worked through a bar skill she's been struggling with. I cannot express how proud of her I still am. She got something she felt so defeated by and really all it took was a lot of praise and encouragment. She left the gym with a huge grin on her face tonight...and so did I.
I have said many times before that my passion is helping people grow...my girls are so small and young but they are growing...and the reward I feel for being part of that growth far exceeds the reward of do a backhandspring!

Brand New Day by Joshua Radin

I kind of stumbled on this song. A friend had given me all her CDs to listen to on my christmas baby tour and I had left this one in my cd visor accidently. Apparently it wasn't hers...another friend had left it at our house and it ended up in the stash I got at christmas.
Anyway...I am a music girl...the words that other people write are often the words I can't formulate. I have been listening to this song over and over for the last few days still trying to let them sink in. It's so simple, so true and so often hard for me to remember. In the midst of pain there is so much good and it's how I handle my time, my words, and my thoughts that will determine the outcome of each brand new day.

Brand New Day
by:Joshua Radin

Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down at me
And bathes me in its light

I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Yeah you make your past your past

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

This cycle never ends
You gotta fall in order to mend

It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok