the joy of the season

Apparently a few years ago I started a tradition--canceling Christmas. On my way home to Cleveland from Ligonier after the Christmas Eve service at church I got sick. Me, the one who doesn't get sick, didn't even make it to the bathroom at the rest stop. This week my niece got sick and spent two days on the couch. She declared she was up to having Christmas in the morning though, so everyone ran out and finished shopping. Only then to wake up to my oldest brother Jim throwing up during the night. Well, then my other brother Dave decided he couldn't listen to it...or smell it without joining in, so he wrapped his daughter up in a blanket and drove home in the middle of the night. Mom, Dad, and I spent Christmas afraid to come within 10 ft of Jim. Good times in the Leonard house.

yo hum? not not really

I wouldn't exactly say that an interview is yo hum, actually it's very exciting, but I'm trying not to set my hopes too high. I had a phone interview last week which went well and just set up a face-to-face interview for after the holidays. What's the position, you ask? Essentially it's an assistant adventure director(though not the official title)...which basically means spending a good amount of time "in the trees" facilitating and/or building ropes courses in addition to all the office work that it takes to maintain and market that kind of operation. I think what I am most excited about is caving. I have loved caving since the first time Quint took us to Bear Cave when I was a freshman in high school and then even more when I took a caving class with Tanya and Jack at Malone. Simply put, caving is special. There's something about crawling around (literally--no hand rails permitted)underground with a flashlight discovering life you'd never see above ground--whether that be in the cave creatures or in the people surrounding you. Anyway, I guess the caving program at this place is in need of a little TLC...which I'd gladly give...I just need Gabe's to sell coveralls again! I'm feeling good about the job; I just hope and pray this is it!

Elliana and David..."my" newest babies

I never would have thought in my season of unemployment I'd be in St Louis helping my friend's sister-in-law with her babies. Elliana and David are 8 months old. Though David is very healthy Elliana was born with a condition that made her lungs not work correctly treatable only by lung transplant. She came to St Louis in June and received her new lungs August 15. Mom and babies are staying in Ronald McDonald housing since home is actually Louisville, OH. Elliana's body has accepted her new lungs slowly but surely and has been out of the hospital for just about 4 weeks now. You can see from the pictures just how far she's come! Dad(Rob) is home working in OH but has visited whenever he can but that means Mom(Gina) needs help! Caring for twins is hard in itself but when one of them is a frequent hospital visitor, has a feeding tube, and LOTS of meds an extra set of hands is a must. Which is where I come in. For the most part I hang out with David...feed him, play with him, laugh at him, and cuddle with him. He's quite a bundle of giggles when you get him going! Unfortunately for me whenever I hold the phone camera up to take a picture or video he stops laughing and just stares at the phone--he does not perform on demand! We've had a lot of fun together...including all the times he's peed on me when I change his diaper...I'm get accustomed to boy diapers.

The recent big news is that if all goes as planned everyone will be home in Louisville in time for Christmas! They are suposed to make the long drive home this Saturday.

The other exciting news is that two kids also staying in the Ronald McDonald house got their heart transplants a couple week ago and will also be home--all the way home--for Christmas.

scrapbooking joy

A few years back a good friend of mine became a Creative Memories consultant and got me motivated to scrapbook again...of course the creative memories way so my pictures wouldn't be destroyed over time! When I went to Guatemala I packed away all of my supplies and equipment and thus my scrapbooking fun--booo! In the last couple years my niece started asking about when she was a baby so I decided to dig it all out. We started on an album together, she picked one out at Target(much cheaper than creative memories:)...a REALLY simple one. I had a bunch of baby pictures so she picked out some she wanted to use. I laid out the pages and she'd pick out stickers. At this point her book has become a bit more elaborate and she LOVES it...which makes me want to keep adding to it. She took it to her moms, to church, to school...and has shown it to anyone that will look at it. On Thanksgiving she read it to everyone like it was story time:) It's been so fun for me-to work on it with her and hear about how she shows it off! I think this is my scrapbooking dream come true:)

vision

In the months since I left Guatemala I have been trying to find a job and a new home. I can't say that has happened yet but I'm getting better. For all of about 24 hours I was a teacher last week in a charter school. The whole situation was little odd to say the least and my snap decision to accept and then unaccept the position did not help matters. I can safely say I remembered quickly why I don't want to be a teacher...don't get me wrong I adore kids/teenagers but being the person responsible for their education is not who I want to be. The director of the school told me I need to pray for direction...I didn't have the guts to say I have been for months.
This afternoon I was thinking about what I want to do and how maybe I need to settle somewhere whether the job is really what I want or not cause I'm not just looking for a home I'm looking for a community. Its hard to not have one after living at camp and working at CAG.

I am reminded of a simple song we sing at camp...it is my prayer...

Lord, I want to know Your vision though I’m in a foreign land
Grant me heartache for the hungry and the grace to understand
Lead me to the ones who suffer, those whose hearts cannot find rest
Lord, I want to know Your vision Put me where I can serve best

power tools

I think I finally understand the empowerment/need men have for power tools. I wanted to build a cornhole set for some friends and had mentioned it to my dad. This morning after mom was out of the house he asked if I wanted to get to work. That we did...and it was fun. It was entertaining to watch/try to follow my dad's train of thought on how he does things. I was surprised at the tools my dad brought out. He's had them for a LONG time and they are still in great shape! Apparently investing in great tools is worth the money twenty years later. I must admit I was a little intimidated when I first pulled the trigger on the circ saw but I improved a lot as the day went on. I'm a big fan of a jig-saw...I think that's what it was. I used it to cut holes. And unlike Tim-the-tool-man-Taylor I don't need more power!

buckeyes...the edible ones

My eight-year-old niece is to say the least opinionated when it comes to food...even candy! We saw buckeyes(peanut butter balls) in a checkout line not to long ago and she claimed she didn't like them. This is peculiar because she lives and breaths for Reeses peanut butter cups. I decided it was time for this kid to make buckeyes. So this afternoon I pulled out the peanut butter, butter, and powdered suger. At first she wasn't a fan but then suddenly she was begging to lick the spatula. I thought for sure she would get a tummy ache before we even dipped them in chocolate! The good news is that I don't think she got sick...the weird news is that she didn't like them coated in chocolate, so she went home with a container of chocolate-less buckeyes!

speak

What an incredible book! It's been a few years in coming but I finally read it, well actually I listened to the audio book. Either way it was great. Without ruinng it...it's about a girl who enters high school without friends because she called the cops at a big summer bash. As a result she becomes selectively mute and pretty much quits life...except art class. This book is her story...how she copes and eventually learns to speak for herself and her peers.
If you have any inclination for adolescent literature, or wonder what teenagers are dealing with, read this book!!!

dishwasher success

YEAH!!!! Apparently a little fire was all it took. There is officially a new functioning dishwasher in the kitchen. It's pretty:) and it washes dishes! Apparently that's a fairly new concept...the fact that the dishwasher not only sanitizes but also washes!

shukos

I just made shukos for dinner and though they weren't quite the same as the ones off the street they were good and a quick spruce up to hot dogs. Yummy guacamole, cooked shredded cabbage, ketchup,and mustard smothering a plain old boiled hot dog on a toasted bun. Mm. Mm. Good.
There were a lot of great things about Guatemala but I think the best was how it opened my eyes to worlds outside my own...shukos included:)

dishwashers

Did anyone else know that home appliances are simply complicated? My parent's dishwasher has been out of service for quite a while now. They went looking for a new one not to long ago and came home with nothing. So yesterday I decided to do a little online research and then take my mom shopping. I spent upwards of 3 hours trying to learn about dishwashers...the brands and features, which ones people like and don't like, and why. Ugh. This morning we went to a local appliance store and sears. The old dishwasher...is not just old...it's ancient...18!!! Helping mom understand that things have changed a bit since her last purchase was half the battle:) Then trying to decide where the silverware rack should be, where the vent should be, what kind of buttons, big handle or small, is an adjustable rack really necessary? what kind of drying system does it have?...the list goes on but I think, just maybe, she picked one out.
...to be continued when there's a functioning dishwasher in the house...:)

Painting Pictures of Egypt-Sara Groves

Sara Groves is sooooooooo good! I remember the first time I heard this song...my college roomie played it for me. I also remember thinking.."yeah it's good"...and then moved on. But now I understand. And though I will never fully comprehend what the Israelites felt when they were fleeing Egypt, I can relate. It's hard to move foward when you don't know where you're going.

Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves
I don’t want to leave here I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable when you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect but I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey but then neither is this

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard and I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads closed off to me while my back was turned

The past is so tangible I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise And the things I know

If it comes too quick I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

two years of guate crammed into a five minute video

It's taken a while but I finally finished a fairly decent video giving a taste of my life in Guatemala...especially as a teacher at the Christian Academy. It's about five minutes...I don't know how long it will take to load.

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)

Visiting my aunt's church this morning I "learned" Chris Tomlin's version of Take My Life. After church when watching a football game(or so I thought) I looked around the room and realized everyone else was napping. Since I didn't give two-hoots about the Jets/Cardinals game I decided to find this song before it escaped my mind. One thing I appreciate about Chris Tomlin is that essentially he teaches how he plays various songs on worshiptogether.com...then someone kindly posts all those videos on youtube. I never ended up finding a demo of Take My Life but I did watch his video teaching Amazing Grace(My Chains are Gone). I've heard this song a thousand times and always assumed he'd written that last verse he sings:
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine...
Will be forever mine...
You are forever mine
Apparently, or at least according to Tomlin's research this was the original last verse and the "when we've been there..." verse was added 100 years after Newton wrote Amazing Grace. Who knew? Certainly not me! I really like this verse! I don't know how to explain why. Maybe it just brings a little affirmation that this whole job hunt/life change thing is gonna be ok. Anywho...

leaky eyes

As I read a couple emails this morning my eyes just started leaking. Not because of a sappy message but because I am so incredibly thankful for my friends whose locations span the US and Guatemala. I've become so stinkin' numb because I feel like my life is simply on hold. Even as I write that I know it's ridiculous. My life's not on hold...there are plenty of people to love and serve every day whether I get paid for it or not. Yesterday a friend was saying that at the end of the day success boils down to two questions. #1 Did I love God today? and #2 Did I love people today? Maybe that's why this morning my eyes started leaking...I was on the receiving end of that love...it sure feels good no matter how great or small the distance between friends.

hugs

My boss's 3-year-old daughter Mara has been playing an "I'm not going to hug Suzy" game since I got back from Guate at the beginning of the summer. Even though I got a few snuggles out of her (jic you didn't know snuggling is NOT the same as hugging:) and I knew it was all a fun little game we were playing I was excited for the game to end. I'm not sure what happened but the other day she just walked right over and gave me the biggest hug EVER. I think an x-ray would prove my heart was actually smiling during and well after that hug. I love being able to love my friends' kids and to be loved by them!

Where the Trees Stand Still

Ask pretty much anyone who knows me fairly well why my cars' names are Bebo and Norman and they'll be able to tell you that I have loved Bebo Norman for a LONG time. I think it was my sophmore year of college when I really started to connect with his music. A friend burned his first couple albums for me. I ended up buying them because I had worn them out. When his third album came out I loved all of it except "Where the Trees Stand Still." I would always skip to the next song when that one came on. I guess because at that point in my life I could not in anyway shape or form relate. I loved college and I loved working at different camps in various different places. I really loved being in Guate and experiencing a whole different life than I was accustomed too.I never wanted the "trees to stand still" BUT in the last six months the song I had so quickly skipped over time and time again began to made sense. I haven't lived in the same building for more than 10 consecutive months since I went off to college almost ten years ago. For the most part it was the life I chose but now I want nothing more than for those trees to stop blowing by. When I made the decision not to return to Guatemala, I thought I knew pretty close to exactly what would come next. Not so much where I'd be, but what I'd be doing and the type of community I'd be doing it in. I didn't neccesarily think God would just drop it in my lap...ok maybe I did a little...but I certainly would have expected something to hope for by this point. Every day I find things to do, whether it be looking for a job, connecting with friends, or finally getting to some random projects that should have been done five years ago but I feel like I am just in this awkward state of limbo anticipating what could be next. Limbo is not fun. The other day a speaker at camp asked the campers how many of them wished they had the freedom to do whatever they wanted. All the kids eagerly raised their hands while their leaders laughed. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to have someone else decide what I was going to do tomorrow...and the next day...

Ode to the Job Hunt

I'd love to write a poem of some kind but instead all I have to say is AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

yielding

As I sat at a stop sign this morning waiting for the other person to go it dawned on me why driving here(in the US) is odd to me. Two things. They are "yielding" and the "right of way"; both of which have become quite foreign to me. I guess it's about time I assimilate back into US law:)

pretzels are good...

I really do think that it is harder to return to one's "home" culture than it is to leave. I find this to be true in lots of little things...
I walked into Verizon Wireless, window shopped for 15 minutes, THEN discovered you have to "sign in" to be helped! And there are all these "new fangled" things you can do with your phone, who knew?
This morning after church there was a graduation celebration for the high school grads. I stood in line to get some snacks...there were pretzels!!!! I was beside myself. I hadn't eatten real pretzels in a LONG time.
I have searched the counter top for eggs only to discover them in the refrigerator.
I have enjoyed a tall glass of real 2% milk and eatten at Panera Bread.
I made rosa de jamaica...watched one friend gulp it down...and another barely even swallow.
I have been craving dobladas and wondering why I didn't actually get my last platanos at 4:00am the day I left:(
I haven't exactly come to terms with the fact that I actually need to stop at those big red signs that say stop.
Every time I get in a car to drive I need to remind myself how an automatic works.
I successfully drove my car(with very minimal braking action due to lack of braking capabilitiy) down the highway with my flashers on:)
I have accidently thrown my toilet paper in the garbage can 3 or 4 times already-hopefully I get over that sooner rather than later!
The little "-isms"...I'm sure there will be more!

El Salvador

Annette(one of my roommates) and I hit the road over the week for a really quick trip to the beach in El Salvador. It was WONDERFUL!!! Sadly the sun wasn't really out but just sitting on an empty beach listening to the waves crash on the shore was phenominal. We ended hanging out with a couple guys who have been traveling all over Central America for the last couple months. It was fun to hear their stories and about all the places they'd been and frankly to talk to guys our age in English...outside the CAG/Union Church bubble:)

High School Uth Retreat

How can one go wrong when they climb on a bus with high school students? Actually I can think of a tons of ways that could go wrong BUT that didn't happen this Uth retreat. This weekend was great. There were 16 students and 5 adults. It wasn't nearly as 'big' as last year but in some ways I feel it was was way more productive. There was some great bonding that happened over the course of 48 hours that will hopefully become the foundation of Uth next year. It makes me sad to leave...but on the other hand I know that wherever I end up I will start over with a new group of teens to drive crazy:) I guess that's the joy of never growing up!

Walls

Some days I leave school thinking "why on earth did I ever want to be a teacher?" Today will not be one of them. Right now I am reminded why I did and why I now know that being a teacher is not my calling.
People have walls...mental walls, physical walls, emotional walls...walls that take a long time to tear down whether that be from the inside or outside. I remember adoring some of my teachers; not only were they good at what they did but they made me feel "safe" enough to make mistakes and "safe" enough to ask for help when I needed it. Some of my students felt comfortable with me very quickly and I knew that they knew I would always be there to help or just listen. Today I sat and talked with a student for 35 minutes about real life. He "let me in" just a little. I know he needs to verbalize what he's thinking and I know he wants to...but he's scared...scared of adults who appear like their out to get him, scared of failing in school, scared friends who run their mouths, scared of losing the control he has worked so hard to gain, and scared of himself. I can't say I blame him...nor can I say I have any answers...just ears.
It's days like this when I realize it is time for the "trees to stand still". It is time for me to find a home so that I am not constantly walking in and out of kids lives. I have spent this entire school year trying to tear walls down and now 6 weeks before I am leaving there is a glimmer of hope. And seems like that has happened everywhere I have lived.
Anyway...that's what I am thinking.

Adventures with Aaron

Having Aaron around for a couple weeks was suberb! Especially the part about him catching the mouse:) We did get to take a nice little trip outside the city to Coban and Semuc Champey...which means nothing to you if you don't know Guate...in a nutshell we hiked, swam, jumped off 30ft cliffs, "explored" a cave, ate good food, bought cheap avocados, found an amazing orchid nursery, celebrated Aaron's birthday twice and even sang to him British style.

Mouse-capades

This was our "pet" mouse. I named him/her Betty. It lived in our cupboards on and off for almost three weeks. I think it was Latino because its favorite thing to nibble on was avacados. We tried everything we could think of to kill it but it was too smart. Then Aaron came to the rescue. He moved something in the cupboards and Betty fell face first in between cans of soup. I wanted Aaron to kill it but he felt bad so he caught it in a butter container, we walked a good distance down my street and let it go. We haven't seen it since.

Semana Santa(Holy Week)

One of the processions on Good Friday night in downtown of the capital city. The floats are carried through the city for between 4 and 7 hours!!! Some floats only need 4-6 but all the ones we saw this night had at least 140 men!!!

Women's Conference

This is from a women's conference at Union Church last month. Sherry and I led worship for the evening session. The speaker shared about pottery and how we need to allow God to mold us into who he wants us to be.
It made me think about one of the wisest things I heard at Camp Gideon..."you can't pour anything out of an empty pitcher". Strikingly obvious, right? Way back in 1999, when Rusty first said that it just put my faith into perspective...if I don't "fill-up" on God, how prey tell am I going to pour Him out on those around me?

Servant Day

Servant Day is a big part of CAG life. Every year the elementary classes do a service project on school property, the middle school classes go somewhere local for a school day, and the high school classes go outside the city for 3 days. The sixth graders went to the church of one of the students to paint. I was very impressed with the actual work they did and their attitude the whole day. They worked hard and I don't remember hearing one person complain all day long!

the computer will fix it

Sometimes I am frustrated at my students inability to use a computer...and then there's today. Apparently there is no need to learn anything about writing a sentence correctly because no one would read anything that was handwritten anyway. Huh, you say? So did I. Then the tune changed a little bit. Who knew that the computer would be able to fix every single mistake I make when I am writing? In fact, I believe what they tried to tell me today is that writers don't actually write anything. They type a few words into the computer and then the computer writes the book. Man, I wish I would have known that my computer would write a book for me! I could be famous by now!!
Oh the joys.

epiphany of a sixth grader

Every week my sixth graders have spelling words that they have to do various things with-two of those things are to make an alphabetical list and then look them up in the dictionary. This afternoon in study hall one of the boys says "Ms. Leonard, I know why you make us put our words in order. They are easier to find in the dictionary that way." [pause...pause] "maybe teachers do care" [at this point i throw my arms up in the air, though I am glad it's only taken him 11 years to figure this out!!!]