sara groves

If you have never listened to Sara Groves before, now would be a good time to start! Emily, my bff, has loved Sara Groves for probably as long as I have loved Bebo Norman. Whenever I visit Em I know Sara Groves is going to be in at least one CD player. Last night a group of us went to a concert and it was AMAZING. Her music and style are really good but its her lyrics that get ya. It's as if she has made sense of all the things I cannot seem to express.
As of last of last night my favorite song is Maybe There's a Loving God. Check out the lyrics here: http://saragroves.com/lyrics/allrighthere/maybetheresalovinggod
Another joy of the concert was being introduced to Melody Olson. She's been singing back up vocals for Sara and just this month released a CD of her own. I listened to the last song on the disc on repeat for a good long while on my way back to Indiana. Here it is...
Remember the Way You Love
Melody Olson
like a girl in a crowd, lookin around, strangers eyes in the middle of the night, you've got the truth and lies swimmin in my mind, and i am wondering whose got a skeleton to hide
keep me close, keep me calm, cloak my soul with magnificent hope, I'll remember the way you love
see the girl in the crowd, and the light pours down, and the summer breaks through the darkest cloud, the orphan and widow cry, and you say that I, can look for you there and I'll find you every time
keep me close to your heart and i will soar on the wings of the dawn, I'll remember the way you love,
you gave your only son to be the one the saving one, you gave your only son to be the one, the saving one, keep me close to your heart and I will soar on the wings of the dawn, I'll remember the way you love, I'll remember the way you love, I'll remember, I'll remember

Meet Mac

So getting Oreo was pretty stinkin exciting for me...but this is AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL!!!! Bebo(my old chevy) served me well for the last seven years. He needed to retire a long time ago but I just couldn't get something new until I had a little stability. With some temporary help from mis padres I was able to score a 2009 CRV yesterday. Crazy, right? I have been coming up with every excuse possible to drive him in the last 24 hours. I feel like I have waited forever for such a nice vehicle though in the grand scheme of things I haven't hardly waited at all. Regardless, I am so excited that for a good while I won't be wondering if I am actually going to make it to my destination when I get in the car. Not only will Mac make it but it will be a comfortable journey along the way. YEAH!!!!! Oh, and yes HE has a name...which is Mac. This one didn't fall out of my mouth like Bebo and Norman but I think it suits him and corny as it may sound Grma Brough's maiden name was MacDougal. She'd like it too:)

fall festivals

There is one thing that I never did while I lived in Ligonier. Anyone familiar with Fort Days may gasp at this...I never went to the Fort Days parade. I was always working at camp(and honestly I didn't mind). I know it was/is a big deal and I know it would have been fun with all the kids and all the staff who came back for reuinions but eh. My favorite part about it was the lawn chairs literally lining the street the day before so people could lay claim to their spots. I wish I had a picture. This statement is on the Chamber of Commerce website "PLEASE, for safety reasons, do not place any chairs along the parade route before 6pm on Friday." Mind you the parade does not start until 11am on Saturday.
This weekend in Martinsville was the Fall Foliage Festival. I knew there would be a parade this afternoon because my girls from gymnastics were walking in it. Ironically I was working so I couldn't be in it with them or go. But this morning as I drove to church I noticed lawn chairs along the road in various places. Now, it wasn't quite as dramatic as good ole' Liggy, but it certainly took me back to my favorite little town. One of these years I will make it to a fall parade. We'll just have to wait and see what state that happens in!

"life giving"

I had an interview today...as the interview-er for a change:) It was a good interview. I hope she ends up coming. Something she said really left an imprint on me though I honestly don't even remember the context of exactly why she said it. It was the phrase "life-giving." Which probably doesn't sound revolutionary in itself but man it really hit me.
A friend/co-worker and I often talk about vision and how stress and politics muddy the once clear waters of why we do what we do. Listening to this young woman talk kind of cleared the waters for me again. She shared about being very interpersonal and how exciting it is to hear/watch participants have those 'ah-ha' moments. As I listened, I distinctly remembered writing my cover letter for the Woods. I wrote about my desire and passion to be a part of growth in others whether that be through adventure education, coaching gymnastics, teaching, a/o mentoring. Today I have been remembering how being a part of that growth in others is life-giving to me and how I need to look wide-eyed so I can recognize when it's happening no matter how small.
I have to admit it was a rough night at gymnastics, LOADS of energy spilling out everywhere BUT they actually trust me now. Three months ago they didn't want me to spot them, now they are nervous without me close by. Honestly it does my heart good to feel needed and well, wanted. The best part of the whole thing is this great cycle of giving life. In enabling/challenging others to grow, I am encouraged, rejuvenated, and also given the opportunitiy to grow. What goes around certainly comes around!

So what is it that is 'life-giving' to you?

Oreo

Meet Oreo...the bunny formerly known as Jadzia. For some reason I finally got motivated to get a rabbit. I had done some research about rescuing a rabbit a while back but it seemed complicated. Last weekend I decided it was time for a little more digging. I found an animal shelter online about half an hour away with a couple rabbits. When I called Tuesday evening they still had the one I wanted and there was just enough time for me to get there and fill out the paperwork. But by the time I arrived he had been adopted! Booooo! The lady at the shelter let me play with the 4 other rabbits in need of a home and a short 30 minutes later I was walking out the door with Oreo! She's a Giant Lop, so she doesn't quite fit in the cage the way Izzy did. I tried to give her a small area to be free in but she doesn't really like to be barricaded so now she's just free in my room. She's pretty spunky and docile at the same time. She runs around the room, jumps up on anything she can, and then takes a load off behind my futton. She's not exactly a cuddler but she'll get there:) Here she decided to burrow in some yarn. At one point all I could see was her rump sticking out:)

in one moment

I spend a lot of time thinking. I think about where I am and where I want to be, who I am and who I want to be. My thoughts often end in defeat--either by falling asleep or the conclusion that I have no idea what I need to do to get where I want to be geographically and on the inside. Last night I was catching up with a friend and we got into that very conversation. In one fleeting moment she said she didn't want to do youth ministry again it's time for something else. In that moment I realized, neither do I. Whoa! Did I really think that? I am still a little bit in shock of this realization.
Since I graduated from high school (ten whopping years ago), until I moved to Indiana, I have been doing youth ministry. And up until last night I had every intention of getting involved with the youth ministry in my church here. I heart teenageers, there's no question about that, but I am weary. Weary and defeated because more of the time than not I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. And so as a step in the right direction I am going to find something for me to do...for me. I don't know what it's going to be, let's hope it's something good.

it can be done

Over the last few weeks, I have spent a lot of time working. It's almost been like working at summer camp again because the days run into each other and I never seem to get out of the stack I am under. Maybe it's purely because I'm female...but there have been many ups and downs...really downs that cause the ups. I am continuing to learn about the people I work with and well frankly how we can be a team under pressure. We had a REALLY big program last week, big in numbers and big in significance. This program caused a lot of anxiety and frankly conflict. I have been overjoyed to know that all our hard work paid off. Rumor has it we "hit it out of the ball park".

contentment and brokenness

In the recent weeks I came to a realization...I am more content in my job than I have ever been before. Granted I haven't been in my position very long but it's still an exciting realization. This all came to mind because I work with people who are discontent and my heart has been so broken for them that I almost feel guilty about being content. Ironic, right?
My heart also breaks because I know they don't share my freedom in Christ...and that's where it starts. Don't get me wrong I have been a christian and very discontent...but I have never been alone. I simply just don't know how it is that people make it through each day without that. Hmph.

balance

Life really is about finding some kind of balance, right? Balance between work and play, giving and receiving, moving and stopping. Its not easy. Since my "promotion" I have stayed late in the office more nights than not...though I have been told to go home. I just want to get settled in my space as well as with people. When I go home I just want to sleep or just sit and look at my freshly painted walls. One of these days I'll get settled...eventually I'll find a rythmn.

lilies

I love lilies, especially orange ones. Just like in my header. They have been popping up all over the place. I am sure they won't last long but you can be sure I will enjoy them as long as I can!

family gatherings

It's hard to describe the "Leonard Reunion" so people who aren't Leonards can actually understand the insanity. In simple words it's a long weekend of extended family time (between 50-75 people). We have been going to the same camp on Lake Erie for I think almost 20 years and having this reunion for over 40 years. This year's theme was Tresure Island. We play games, eat lots of good food, sit around campfires, pretend to be much more phycially fit than any of use actually are, and get reconnected. It's on my calendar for life.

wanting to learn again

Tonight as I sat and listened in on an adventure group I realized something...I want to learn. It was quite a revelation for me. I haven't had that genuine desire in a LONG time. Don't get me wrong, I have been motivated by deadlines, the need to impress and as a teacher the needs of my students but I cannot remember the last time I wanted to investigate and learn on my own.
What's on my mind you ask? The Leadership Challenge by Kouzes and Posner and the Johari window.

Leadership is: "The art of mobilizing others to want to struggle for
shared aspirations."--Kouzes and Posner

Hmmm...

Sweetly Broken

I learned this song(the words below) last week in church. I'd never really thought of brokenness as a sweet thing before but really being broken before God is pretty sweet--that's when I let go of the things making my life miserable. Coming to Indiana has been tricky for me on every level imaginable but mainly in my job. I have spent so much time thinking and rethinking and second guessing my every move that I was losing the joy in what I love doing. I had a good cry the other day and then a good talk with my supervisor. Both incredibly healing. I wouldn't say that I'm all better inside but I finally let go of some things that have been getting in the way. Today I worked with a group of college students and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of my time with them. It was one of my most fulfilling days since I moved to Indiana. And for that I am very thankful!

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just


At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered


What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life

And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

close your eyes and just listen

Everywhere I have lived I have had to adjust to the local "sounds".
In college it was the non-stop commotion.
At camp in Ligonier it was frogs, squirrels, Izzy shifting in her cage(my rabbit), birds, kids running around.
In town in Ligonier it was cars driving by, the old house settling, people walking their dogs.
In Guatemala it was the neighbors little dog yipping, firecrackers in the street between 5am & 6am, guns shots, roosters, lots of honking car horns.
Back at home it was mom playing the piano, dad watching politcal stuff on "his" tv, the phone ringing, and someone yelling "come quick, there are deer in the back yard"(even though this is a daily occurance).
Here at Bradford Woods it's the pileated woodpeckers, the coyotes, and small animals running through the dry leaves.

What kinds of things do you hear on a daily basis?

The Manna House Porch

Last week during training we were asked to think about our favorite place. We wrote some notes, drew pictures, and then wrote poems. I'm actually kind of proud of my poem. I know it's not a masterpiece but I like it so I thought I'd share.


In the still quiet of the night
I feel the comfort of being home
I sit on my porch in my hammock chair
I swing and I rock and take it all in
I watch the fog overtake the valley
I gaze at the stars shining so bright
I remember the sounds of the day gone by
People laughing, singing, shouting, and asking "on belay?"
I reflect on my day, letting go and breathing the fresh air in
I sit back, relax and settle in
A new day will soon begin

two sides to everything

We (the new staff I am in training with) went on a short and sweet night "hike" the other night. We were to walk alone and then find a place in the grass to relax and reflect for a bit. As I walked down the hill through the woods I initally thought about how much I hate walking alone in the woods at night. I'm not exactly sure what I'm afraid of...I don't really think someone/thing is going to jump out and eat me...I guess it's a fear of the unknown. Then I thought about how much I love caving. One of my goals in life is to spend the night in a cave...just to say I've done it. I like big caves and small caves, massive rooms and birth canal type tunnels. Generally I'm a happy, relaxed camper as soon as I enter a cave. I feel freedom in the security of the walls around me.

The flip side of this is the insecurity and frustration that the four walls of a classroom instill in me. I almost feel claustrophobic as a classroom teacher. My favorite teacher moments were reading stories or playing math fact games...outside and away from walls!

There has to be a balance...right?

This is the entrance to Bear Cave. The first cave I ever entered almost 15 years ago. My heart smiles just looking at it!

8 minutes and counting

I officially have 8 minutes left on my computer at the library BUT lots of people are asking how I'm doing in Indiana. I'm doing well. It's an adjustment on many levels--different place different style of programming and teaching, having guy roommates(not in my bedroom but everywhere else), no computer, no time for internet...or time to drive to town to get on the internet, christian bubble is for sure gone, church shopping again--regardless of all my adjustments I think I'm doing better than average. I'm making an effort not to spaz...which we all know is very hard for me!
Time's almost out...more later!

so much fun!!!

I worked an adventure group over the weekend at camp. IT WAS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!! It was a family retreat, 50-60 people, all from one church, ages 5 to probably 70. We pushed the tables back in the dining room to make enough room. The first game was Rock, Paper, Scissors baseball...and wouldn't you know there were adults who'd never played rock, paper, scissors before!!! We also played "Scoot your Buns" and "Have You Ever" both along the lines of musical chairs. And I can't leave out "Look Up, Look Down" a game that takes no skill...other than screaming. The hour we spent together was more fun than I have had in months. To see grown adults not just playing these silly games but loving them was incredible. I especially loved overhearing the grandparent-types reliving the games over breakfast the next morning.
I also had a great experience with this group on the "Pamper Jump." It's called pamper b/c you're held up by your pampers:) I belayed for 11 adults half of which were NOT going until their friends coerced them. Their faces were all priceless as they reached the platform and realized they were jumping off a platform 20ft in the air...that felt like 40 or 50.
My time spent with this group is a highlight of my 10+ years facilitating adventure education!!! Thanks Beulah Pres.!!!

And there was much rejoicing!!!

Today the good news is that I found a job...temporary and not exactly the ideal I had hoped for but a significant step in the right direction. In a few weeks, I will be moving to Indiana, ~30 miles south of Indianapolis, to a place called Bradford Woods. Throughout the year they host adventure education and environmental education groups. On top of that during the summer they run camps for kids with special needs. All of their ropes courses and climbing tower are handicap accessible to a certain degree, something I have never dealt with before. I will be working directly with the adventure and environmental education groups facilitating and teaching. I spent more of my time at Ligonier in the office and supervising than actually facilitating groups so this will give me the opportunity to brush up on rusty skills. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what to expect, and I am trying to keep it that way. Training starts Feb 16.

It Is Well With My Soul

Since I can remember I have been singing the hymn It is Well with My Soul by Ho­ra­tio G. Spaf­ford. I have always found solace in the words and especially enjoyed belting it out in a cafeteria packed with college students who felt the same way. But yesterday was different. The words I have loved so many years actually registered in my brain.
You see, singing these words has helped me put things behind me. Not exactly a turning point, but the opportunity to consciously decide to let go of stupid hurts I'd been holding on to and forget them. I always thought the song was just about moving on after painful experiences.
But yesterday I couldn't get the words "whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul" out of my head. "My lot" has varied over the years sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes ever changing but regardless it has been well with my soul. God's sovereignty has not fluctuated with my roller coaster. He is constant. At the beginning, middle, and end of every part of my life.
So now when I sing this beloved hymn it won't just be time to put something behind me. It will be a reminder of God's constant sovereignty and the fact that deep down even if I don't feel it, it is well with my soul.

big huge ugh!

I had a face-to-face interview last week. I wasn't sure what they thought of me but I was really excited...about the place, the facilities, the people, the chance to work outside the Christian bubble again, and most of all the job description. I felt like they wrote it for me. Driving home I felt peace. I tried so hard not to get too excited because well, employment just hasn't gone in my favor lately. Today I found out it didn't exactly go my way. I got an offer...just not for the job I wanted. Now I have so many more unanswered questions than when I started this whole job hunt last summer. Have I been searching for the wrong thing all along?

Psalm 119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

Wilderness First Aid training

If you ever think about going into the wilderness...STAY HOME! No just kidding, but that's kind of how I felt while my brain was being overloaded with information about how to care for injured people in the wilderness. I think the hardest concept to grasp was that I may actually need to use this information to safely evac someone and maybe save someone's life. I did very well on my multiple choice test but it was just sooooo much info to take in. Most of us wanted concrete instructions, unfortunately or maybe fortunately, they weren't to be given. The most popular answer to all of our questions was "it depends" because there are so many variables to take into consideration.

The pictures are our attempts at splinting a knee. We decided mine was too short so we tried Mark's. His didn't turn out to well either but we processed a ton of good ideas and things I wouldn't have picked up on had we gotten it perfect right away.
Jim started the class by stating that 'once you have the knowledge expect God to use you.' Overall, I'm a bit anxious about using my new knowledge. But I also know that God won't throw something my way He can't handle through me. That's when I take a deep breath:)